Friend Of The Devil

Prompt: A buddy comedy about a thirty year old stoner and the demon who's possessing him.

The bowl of the pipe glowed fire-engine red as Mark took a loving drag, pulling as much smoke into his lungs as the could stand. He exhaled about half of it before he descended into a fit of violent, rasping coughing. The smell of weed filled the small studio apartment.

“You’re getting better at that,” the Demon Azazelbum’s voice echoed in his ear. 

“Shit,” Mark said, still coughing. “Thanks.” The demon was, after all was said and done, not a bad roommates, as far as roommates go. He was pretty supportive. 

Then they heard the door knock. It was weird, feeling his head snap to look at it under the direction of two people’s panic, Mark, because he was smoking weed, and Azazelbum because, as he just remembered, and therefore Mark just remembered, he had a performance review today. 

“Shit,” they both said, launching off the couch to stand amidst the living room in nothing but a pair of boxer shorts surrounded by beer cans, empty Dorito bags, and a half-eaten pizza.

The door opened and Rahab the stately elder demon walked in. He looked around. 

Before they could speak, Rahab said, “Azazelbum, this is your third performance review in the negotiations of condemning this young man’s soul to hell, and thus far, all you have to show for it is condemning him to a death by heart failure. What do you have to say for yourself?” 

“Well, Your Terribleness—” 

“Quiet. You’re more stoned than the witches of the 14 century—” he grinned to himself and then glared at them. “Do crime! Show force! Murder someone for Gods’ sake!” 

They both shuddered at the Lord’s name. “Yes, Your Excellency.” 

“And for the love of god, clean this place up. We’re demons not slobs.”

Mark spoke up. “You know if you weren’t such a dick you could have had some pizza.” 

Rahab blinked at him, an elder statesmen of Hell made speechless by the young stoner. He raised a finger, lowered it, and made for the door. “You know, Mark? I really can’t tell if I want to torture your soul for all eternity, or just never. Ever. Ever want to see you again.”