Alright! I got my application sent in, so one more victory in my corner. Since I can't control whether or not I get hired, just whether or not I apply. Even though applying literally triggers my anxiety enough to make me want to crawl into a hole and never come out.
TWO THINGS I AM GRATEFUL FOR (SPECIFIC)
1. My buddy, Rambo (no really) and I were chatting last night about our preferred healthy cereal options (no really). We were hiking buddies back in the day so we've both followed about the same journey from exercise to diet. Both are important but as kids we ignored diet.
2. I'll also throw down and say I'm grateful for my friend, Bryan. He's a bit intense and once he gets going it is nigh impossible to cut him off, but he's sweet and passionate and he's been a loyal friend for a lot of years. He was pitching me his first D&D one-shot.
ONE THING THAT WENT WELL DURING THE DAY
Like I said above I got that application sent in, which is always a relief, not a huge relief, but a relief nonetheless. I sent off a thank you to my advocate in the company for all her advice on how to best target my resume/cover letter. Now I just wait and cross my fingers.
ONE ABSOLUTELY CRITICAL ACTION ITEM FOR THE DAY
For some reason, I've been super anxious since last night that I'm going to forget or miss my therapy session today. I couldn't say why though. Maybe because this week was rough and I don't want to miss my opportunity to process some of it?
WHATEVER IS ON MY MIND
I wish I felt better after putting in job applications but I honestly just feel kind of hopeless. It's really hard for me not to self-denigrate when there is a chance for rejection. Let me tell you this little character flaw made dating in college the worst.
At the very least I don't let it stop me (slow me down, maybe). I try to stack the deck in my favor. I am in therapy, I meditate (when I remember), I go to my career advisor at my alma mater, and I have advocates within the companies I apply for. I am controlling as much as I can.
All best,
Shane Zellow
(he/him)
BOOK NOOK
This poor book nook is so unloved. I'm reading, I swear. I'm just at the start of half-a-dozen new books.
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