My smart watch app tells me that I got better sleep last night than usual. Not sure how it decided that, cause I'm just tired, but depression/anxiety/general ennui? Maybe the watch isn't smart enough to measure those. Yet. But hey, I am here and I'm blogging.
TWO THINGS I AM GRATEFUL FOR (SPECIFIC)
1. These tend to come in waves, don't they? Like, I'll have a lot of interactions that I'm grateful for and then it'll lull, like a low tide. I am grateful for my friend, John (again) because he invited me to play or co-DM in his weekly D&D game. We've never played before.
2. Oh boy, let's see. I'll say that I am grateful that John's players are open to me stopping by for a game. Thing is, we all went to high school together and I'd be lying if I didn't say there wasn't some bad blood last time we met. But god that was a long time ago. Time change.
ONE THING THAT WENT WELL DURING THE DAY
I mean, I vacuumed. I know this is a low bar but I fucking hate vacuuming and since getting a cat it's become something that has to be done multiple times a week. Yesterday definitely became a 'chores' day. If nothing else I'm glad I have the privilege to do chores.
ONE ABSOLUTELY CRITICAL ACTION ITEM FOR THE DAY
Oh lord is today a writing day? Do I need to tackle my growing insecurity about my writing and my depression and lack of motivation to exist as a person? Is this beyond the purview of this blog? TUNE IN NEXT WEEK FOR--
WHATEVER IS ON MY MIND
One of the chores I did yesterday was going through old papers and I found an essay about getting kicked out of the house at 16. I can't for the life of me guess why I decided to write about that for a high school essay. Even the teacher's notes said I wasn't ready for it.
The whole thing reads as very distant, which is not surprising. I didn't start going to therapy until 2014 so this was a Shane barely treading water. I think this essay was my/his attempt to say to the world, "Nah, man, I'm fine. See how fine I am?" I don't think I was fine.
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