Hey gang. I am very tired. Cassie and I celebrated our second year anniversary yesterday and I am exhausted. Because I got a sunburn. Not my best. Still, the day was lovely. It's still a little strange because we dated for 7 years before we got married so the date feels a little forced.
TWO THINGS I AM GRATEFUL FOR (SPECIFIC)
1. I am grateful for my wife. Feels weird to voice that here though so I think I'll just leave it at that. Always a weird realization to be posting online while realizing some things you'd prefer to remain private. The enteral tightrope.
2. I am grateful for my ongoing therapy journey. I had a call from an old friend who is recently diagnosed ASD. My skills at establishing boundaries were put to the test with him, just because it required me to be very clear and communicative about my needs and feelings.
ONE THING THAT WENT WELL DURING THE DAY
My wife and I spent the day in the next town over. We visited a bunch of our favorite shops and browsed through a few new ones (she loves antique shops). We even managed to end the day under our calorie goal (mostly). Then we slept for 10 hours. Getting old. Too much antique excitement.
ONE ABSOLUTELY CRITICAL ACTION ITEM FOR THE DAY
I bought a Dotted Notebook to try this whole Bullet Journaling thing for my upcoming campaign. Thus far I feel like I'm missing something. Everyone keeps saying, "It's up to you to decide what it looks like for you!" Which ... okay but like, why do I need the bullet journal then?
WHATEVER IS ON MY MIND
Not too much at this point. I keep mulling over the next thing I want to write in my novel. Just ... honestly finding it so hard to remain motivated while the job hunt goes so poorly, y'know? Like, I need something to keep me anchored while I write. Which is how it used to be. In the before times.
It'll pay off, right? Eventually? Honestly, the next big goal in therapy is to tackle my deep-seated belief that I cannot succeed. That feels like a lesson that has been stressed again and again from many different sources during my life. Fake it till you make it works for a while but ...
It'd be nice not to feel like I had to fake it, y'know? It'd be nice to genuinely believe in myself when I applied for a position. Right now I've relied on my alma mater career center to sign off on applications because I trust them more than I trust me.
And I'd like to trust me. I'd like to believe in me. I also wouldn't mind being successful.
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