Hey, gang! How goes it? Had therapy today but didn't get back to EMDR. Tried to process that fight I had last week because I was and still am convinced it got under my skin because it connected to one of those earlier traumas. There was a there there if you follow.
TWO THINGS I AM GRATEFUL FOR (SPECIFIC)
1. I am grateful for my friend, Ali. They came by and we spent the whole afternoon together, went for a walk, and talked trauma. Good times. I'm getting better at relating my trauma without reliving my trauma. Not perfect by any stretch but we don't let perfect be the enemy of good.
2. I am grateful for my therapist, who helped me identify what upset me. "People are happiest when their actions and beliefs align." I wanted to die valiantly on the hill in opposition to transphobia, but I remained civil to protect myself from a fight. I always expect a fight.
ONE THING THAT WENT WELL DURING THE DAY
Not a lot yesterday went well. I clocked about 5 hours of sleep and from there everything was a slog. But my last Numenera player made some more progress on her character so small victories. She's picked her Type and her Focus. Now we just need to pick a day to choose her Descriptor.
ONE ABSOLUTELY CRITICAL ACTION ITEM FOR THE DAY
I have fallen behind several days on my writing so I gotta work on that. I also got a bill so I should probably take care of that too. Y'know, because we live in a capitalist hellscape, and while money is made up it can still kill you. Or at least its absence can still kill you.
WHATEVER IS ON MY MIND
I told my therapist that it sucks to not know how to preemptively set boundaries. It's all still so new that I need to get into a bad situation first. It makes it feel like it did before I had boundaries when I just had to sit in a bad situation until I hit critical mass.
One belief we've been exploring via EMDR is "I did the best I could, considering what I've been through." Which has become more and more real as we've gone deeper. Considering when I set a boundary with my father he immediately, in the very next breath crossed it, its no wonder I'm starting from the ground up on boundary setting.
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